The Mew Squad: Insanity Challenge
by The Mewtwo Queen
Summary: One Mewtwo. Five Mews. Utter chaos.
1. The Games Begin

-The Mew Squad-  
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or anything related to it. But I DO own Veia, Rikka, Nova, Shiden, Kuro, and myself. I also own a computer and large amounts of insanity. Also, this story may contain spoilers for The Lugia Chronicles (hey, it's better than actually WRITING the series, right?), so let the reader beware.  
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It was an ordinary day at the Mew Squad headquarters. Metro-chan, the Squad's leader and resident Mewtwo, was up at the crack of dawn typing some kind of weird fanfic, probably about some girl named Aurora and an insane Totodile named Wani-sama. Her glasses (the frames were translucent blue) were, as usual, about to fall off. Her sanity, as usual, was long gone.  
  
"Hrm... so... After Rory's got the blue Kingler... then what?" She was already talking to herself, and she'd only gotten up an hour ago. But then, you'd go crazy too if you had to put up with the Mew Squad.  
  
The Squad consisted of Metro-chan (her full name was Mewtwo of Metropolis, but no one cared. She also went by the Mewtwo Queen and five million other aliases) and five hyperactive Mews: Veia, Rikka, Nova, Shiden, and Kuro. And, unfortunately for Metro-chan, they were now starting to wake up.  
  
"Hey, M-chan, can you get off da compy? I wanna play Harvest Moon with the Super NES emulator that Shiden illegally downloaded from an insecure server that required transmitting several megabytes of personal information," said an annoyingly high, girlish voice.  
  
Metro-chan had been sucking on the gold ring that hung from her neck on a silver chain (Kuro had recently decided to call her Frodo because of that ring), but she quickly spit it out, eyes widened. "What... did you say Shiden did?" she asked, her left eye twitching.  
  
"Didn't you know? He downloaded a bunch of illegal stuff that could get you arrested," the Mew said impatiently. "Now let me on."  
  
Metro-chan turned around to face the speaker. "Rikka-" she groaned. The smallish female Mew had covered her head with a sheet. She'd poked eyeholes in it, but they were in a completely wrong place. "At least that explains the bumping noise," Metro-chan muttered.  
  
"BOO!" Rikka said, completely oblivious to the fact that any element of surprise was now lost.  
  
"Did you just tell her about my emulators?" an enraged voice shouted from the top of the stairs. "DIE, WENCH!" an exceedingly pissed-off Shiden appeared next to Rikka and proceeded to strangle her. As Rikka fought to get him off, he held on, his purple-striped pink form blurring through the air as he dragged her around the room.  
  
"What? Huh? Eh?" Another Mew, still tangled up in a sheet, fell down the stairs.  
  
"Oh, Nova~! Trying to hide from your Veia, huh?" A female Mew wearing a bright red headband floated down the stairs after him. Nova, now at the bottom of the stairs, thrashed around in an attempt to disentangle himself.  
  
So, with Shiden trying to kill Rikka, Nova tangled up in a sheet, Veia flirting with him nonetheless, and Metro-chan staring blankly at all of them, the power went out.  
  
Shiden let go of Rikka, and she fell to the floor with an expression that said "I'm dead." Nova teleported from out of the sheets and hid behind the computer. Then something whooshed down the stairs, knocking Veia over. A pair of luminous blue eyes hung in the air in front of Metro-chan.  
  
"Who dares disturb my slumber?" asked a dark, evil voice.  
  
"Kuro, just cut the BS and turn the lights back on!" Metro-chan snapped.  
  
"You always ruin everything!" the evil voice said, except it wasn't evil anymore, just whiny. "Party-pooper." A minute later the power came back, and Kuro, the black Mew, reappeared in front of Metro-chan, arms folded with a pouty expression. "Happy now?"  
  
"Am I ever happy with you people around?" Metro-chan muttered.  
  
"So, what's on the agenda for today, Metro?" Veia asked.  
  
"How about... not killing each other?" Metro-chan suggested, massaging her temples.  
  
The reply was unanimous: "BO-ring!"  
  
"This is gonna be a LONG day..."  
  
"What's that about a long tail?" Rikka asked groggily, coming back to her senses. Shiden grabbed her by the tail and started swinging her around.  
  
"Enough with the Mario imitation, Shiden; Rikka doesn't look anything like Bowser!" said Nova, who was the resident video game guru. Shiden, Rikka, and Kuro stared at him blankly. "What?" Then Nova realized he'd given his hiding spot away and sweatdropped as Veia flew over to him.  
  
"So, we're playing hide-and-seek now, is that the deal?" Veia asked, winking flirtatiously. "Okay, then it's my turn to hide!" She teleported away.  
  
"Nova... Do us all a favor, and don't find her," Metro-chan said grimly.  
  
"DIE!" Shiden resumed swinging Rikka around over his head.  
  
Rikka, oblivious to the impending pain, thought this was funny. "WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Shiden let go, and Rikka crashed into the wall just inches from Kuro, who face-faulted and darted away. "Heh heh heh... I see da likkle Torchics... Hi dere, li'l chickies!" Rikka said dazedly. She giggled, and promptly fainted.  
  
"Hey, since we just 'accidentally' lost Veia and Rikka... I got an idea," Kuro said, grinning wickedly. "How about we just go about our daily business... and the last one standing wins!"  
  
"Wins... what?" Shiden asked.  
  
"Uhm... well... everyone else will be out cold, so the winner can do whatever they want for a couple hours," Kuro said.  
  
"You're on," Metro-chan muttered. "My insanity tolerance has gotta be pretty high by now..."  
  
Kuro put on his best overly dramatic sports announcer voice, and said, "So, now we have Frodo-"  
  
"-Shut up about the freaking ring!" Metro-chan shouted.  
  
Kuro ignored her, and continued. "-Shiden, Nova, and Kuro in a fight to the finish... Who can withstand the insanity longest? Only one will survive..." Once Kuro had finished his announcement, everything went back to normal. "Well? Aren't we gonna fight now?"  
  
"Believe me, Kuro, we don't need to TRY to knock each other senseless," Shiden said.  
  
And the games began. 


	2. The SSBM Competition of Doom

"I challenge you all to a Battle Royale," Nova said, turning on the GameCube. "Super Smash Bros. Melee."  
  
"That's as good a way to kill each other as any," Metro-chan muttered, swiveling the computer chair around and running over. "Mewtwo is SO mine." She grabbed a controller, using her telekinesis to steal a bean bag chair from the house three doors down and get a Sierra Mist from the fridge.  
  
"Not fair!" Shiden protested. "It's my turn to telekinetically steal furniture!"  
  
"Does this mean I have to be Jigglypuff again?" Kuro shouted from the kitchen, throwing a bag of Fritos at Nova's head.  
  
"I call Captain Falcon!" Shiden said, grabbing a controller.  
  
"That's lame! You were Captain Falcon last time!" Nova told Shiden, ripping open the bag of Fritos Kuro had thrown at him.  
  
"So? You can be Captain Falcon, too!"  
  
"But then I'll forget which one's me!"  
  
"Suck it up!"  
  
"Hand over the Fritos, fiend!" Kuro shouted, tackling Nova to the ground.  
  
"You threw 'em at me! They were fair game!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Metro-chan screamed, her eyes glowing blue. All the Mews were instantly silenced. "This time, no rearranging the pixels with your mind... Kuro," Metro-chan said, shooting the black Mew a dirty look. "And get off Nova so we can get this party started."  
  
It was at about that point that the bean bag chair came smashing through the window. Metro-chan grinned, flopping back on it with her Sierra Mist.  
  
"Fine, but I'm stealing the bean bag chairs next time," Kuro said poutily, snatching up a controller.  
  
"But it's MY turn next!" Shiden whined.  
  
"I'm Kirby!" Nova said.  
  
"CHEAP!"  
  
"Who cares if it's cheap?"  
  
"Kuro, you should be Peach!"  
  
"What is your PROBLEM?" Kuro shouted, looking disgusted.  
  
"Everyone, shut up or I'll pick your characters for you!" Metro-chan shouted, but the Mews ignored her. She telekinetically selected all the characters, then moved on to the stage selection. She was the only one who knew which character she was.  
  
((Game Sequence...))  
  
Peach's Castle. Samus, Zelda, Peach, and Mewtwo stood ready to duke it out.  
  
"WHAT?!" Kuro shouted. "I dunno who I am!"  
  
"Probably Peach," Shiden said, laughing as he started trying (without success) to control Samus. Zelda ran off the edge of the screen and died. "Gee, whoever did that wasn't smart..."  
  
Kuro decided he was probably Zelda and started trying to make her turn into Sheik as soon as she returned from the dead. Nothing happened. "STUPID CONTROLLER!" Kuro shouted. Mewtwo, meanwhile, snuck up behind Zelda and shoved a psychic blast in her face. Samus dropped a bomb on Mewtwo's head, rolling away before it detonated.  
  
"Oh, my mad skills!" Shiden bragged, and kept pushing buttons. Zelda died again. Mewtwo and Samus went head-to-head, randomly punching and blasting the snot out of each other. Mewtwo teleported away, grabbed Peach and flung her off the edge. Zelda fell and died again.  
  
"CURSE YOU FOR KNOWING WHO YOU ARE!" Kuro shouted, flinging himself at Metro-chan. He started trying to strangle her, while Peach died several times and Samus ran around blowing everyone up.  
  
"Yeah!" Shiden said finally, slamming down the controller and joining in attacking Metro-chan.  
  
"Uh, guys, the game's over," Nova said. "Samus won."  
  
((...End game sequence.))  
  
"Yep! I'm da masta!" Shiden gloated.  
  
"Erm... Shiden... Samus was killing people while you were trying to strangle me to death," Metro-chan pointed out.  
  
"Oh... really..." Shiden and Kuro backed off. "Well, who was who, then?"  
  
"Nova was Samus, as I believe he's figured out. Shiden, you were Zelda, and Kuro, you were Peach," Metro-chan said calmly, sipping her Sierra Mist like nothing had happened.  
  
"DIE!" Kuro screamed, attacking Metro-chan again.  
  
"Kuro was Peach!" Shiden shouted, laughing hysterically. "I knew it!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Kuro flung himself at Shiden, tackling him to the ground before slapping Metro-chan and shifting back to attack Shiden again.  
  
"You can't beat up everyone at once, y'know," Nova said.  
  
"YES... I... CAN!" Kuro panted, and started trying to strangle Nova just to prove it. Nova, Metro-chan, and Shiden exchanged glances.  
  
"One... two... THREE!" All three simultaneously blasted Kuro with psychic waves. "Now that's settled," Metro-chan said, tossing the now-unconscious Kuro over next to Rikka's limp form, "I think I'll fix the window." 


	3. Death by Tomato

A/N: I'm really sorry, y'all! I got grounded! Yeah! Doesn't life suck?  
  
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A spoonful of cream cheese splatted into the wall. Then another. Then another, until the air was thick with flying white stuff.  
  
"RUN FOR COVER!" Metro-chan shouted, shielding herself with a trash can lid.  
  
"I think we did that a long time ago!" Nova shouted back as Shiden unleashed another barrage of cream cheese.  
  
"FWAJAKAHAHAHA! PH33R MY MAD CHEEZ-FLINGING SKILLZ!"  
  
"How exactly does he use 1337 in speaking?" Metro-chan asked, deflecting a glob of cream cheese.  
  
"I dunno... I'll hafta ask him sometime when he's not trying to kill us."  
  
"SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" Shiden shouted. "I'M OUT OF FREAKING CREAM CHEESE!" He used his telekinesis to find a jar of mayonnaise in the fridge and bring it through the door. Literally. Nova stared at the remains of the door, and the mayonnaise-jar-shaped hole in it. But he didn't have much time to do that because Shiden was starting up again.  
  
Wait. Back up. I bet you're like, "Why the hell is Shiden flinging condiments at Metro-chan and Nova?" Well, it all started when they decided to have ham sandwiches.  
  
**Flashback** ((A/N: Just imagine the screen getting all fuzzy and some random harp chords in the background.))  
  
"Mmm, sandwiches!" Shiden said with nerve-grating enthusiasm. "Swiss cheese..."  
  
"Check!" Nova announced, slamming down a packet of swiss.  
  
"Lettuce..."  
  
"Check!"  
  
"Bread..."  
  
"Check!"  
  
"Ham..."  
  
"Check!"  
  
"Tomato..."  
  
"Check!"  
  
"Raisins... apple butter... banana slices..."  
  
"Check check check!"  
  
"You guys eat some weird stuff," Metro-chan commented, buttering a club roll.  
  
"We have a right," Shiden said. "You should really talk, Miss I-eat-peanut-butter-straight-from-the-jar."  
  
"How about we just shut up and eat?" Nova suggested.  
  
"That's the smartest thing you've said all day," Metro-chan said.  
  
"What about the SSBM tournament? That was fun."  
  
Metro-chan pointed at Kuro. "I think that speaks for itself," she said wryly.  
  
"Whatever," Shiden said. "Hey... Check out my mad skills." He telekinetically tossed a tomato up into the air and sliced it up neatly with a knife. "I could be some Japanese chef or something!"  
  
"Yeah, whatever..." Metro-chan said, waving a hand dismissively. "Knock it off, before I decide to accidentally redirect the knife and cut your tail off."  
  
"Meh," Shiden said, narrowing his eyes as he dropped the knife, assembled his sandwich, and bit it.  
  
"'Meh'? Really? How very enlightening. Tell me more," Nova said, sounding completely serious as he started eating too.  
  
Then Shiden started laughing insanely. "Fools... you're all FOOLS!"  
  
Nova glared at Shiden. "Finish chewing. THEN go insane."  
  
"Foolish mortals! How dare you question me?" Shiden chucked his sandwich at Metro-chan, who deflected it just in time. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEAR ME, FOR I WEILD THE CHEESE OF DEATH!" So saying, he grabbed the cream cheese and started flinging it at Nova and Metro-chan.  
  
And thusly, it was discovered that Shiden is allergic to tomatoes. ((A/N: Don't tomatoes make EVERYONE go insane?))  
  
**End flashback**  
  
"Do we have any allergy medication or something?" Nova shouted to Metro-chan over the sounds of flying condiments. Shiden had added ketchup, mustard, and soy sauce to the mix and was shooting random combinations of them across the room.  
  
"What we need is more like lithium!" Metro-chan replied, diving behind the couch.  
  
"That's pathetic!" Shiden shouted at Metro-chan as a glob of soy sauce and mayonnaise splatted into the wall, just barely missing her. "I'm telekinetic as well as you! FWAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Sooner or later he's gotta run out of steam," Nova said.  
  
"Yeah... but what do we do until then?"  
  
"How about we scream like idiots?"  
  
"Yeah! Scream all you want, you coward! You... you... CUTE THING!" Shiden taunted.  
  
"That tears it... I'm gonna KILL YOU!" Nova snarled, flinging himself at Shiden.  
  
"You fight like some kinda fuzzy plush toy!" Shiden said, wrapping his tail around Nova's. He flipped over, and because of their entwined tails Nova crashed headfirst into the wall.  
  
"Oh yeah? Well... you fight like... uh... A MAGIKARP!" Nova shouted, somehow managing to teleport away to the other side of the room. He telekinetically lifted a bottle of soy sauce and brought it over to him.  
  
"DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEEEEE!" He was about to fly at Nova in an attempt to throttle him, but Metro-chan put up psychic barriers separating the two Mews. She stepped into the safe space between the barriers.  
  
"We're now entering a sudden death match!" She announced, looking first at Nova and then at Shiden. "Combatants, choose your weapons!" Nova grinned and brandished the soy sauce bottle. Shiden, snarling, snatched up a bottle of mustard. "All right, guys, here's the deal. When the barriers come down, start fighting. Do whatever you want, as long as your only weapon is your condiment of choice. At the end, if both of you are still standing, I'll judge the winner!" She jumped up, hovering just under the ceiling, and dropped the barriers.  
  
Instantly, a jet of soy sauce caught Shiden in the eye. He quickly retaliated, shooting mustard into Nova's eye. Both Mews squinted at each other and lunged.  
  
Nova clamped his teeth on Shiden's tail. Shiden cracked the mustard bottle down on Nova's head, and Nova let go, blinding Shiden's other eye with another spurt of soy sauce. Shiden swung the mustard bottle around him wildly, randomly shooting and trying to bludgeon Nova, who carefully evaded.  
  
"Magikarp, Magikarp, Shiden is a Magikarp," Nova chanted, darting out of the crazed Mew's reach.  
  
"BANZAIIIII!" Shiden shouted, opening his eyes. "Oww... oww... FREAKING SOY SAUCE!" But he had seen enough. He attacked Nova, whacking him on the head repeatedly.  
  
"Uncle!" Nova groaned before blacking out.  
  
"NOW WHO'S THE MAGIKARP?" Shiden gloated. "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE MASTER! OH YEAH! CAN'T TOUCH THIS! CAN'T TOUCH-" he blinked. "What happened here?" he asked dazedly. He stared down at Nova, then up at Metro-chan. "Metro...?"  
  
Metro-chan stared at him incredulously, then shook her head. "Never. Ever. Eat tomatoes again. As long as you live." 


End file.
